Feeling lost is part of the journey
Can we all agree that delight is embedded in gradual unfolding? The suspension of disbelief? The tension of each moment building upon the last?
And what fun would a movie be if you knew the major plot twists beforehand?
I know this deeply, yet it’s difficult at times to apply the same logic to my own life. Ironically, embracing my inner artist, this year especially, has made me happier, freer - and more lost when it comes to my career. All I really want to do is write, make art, more zines, more heart-to-hearts with people.
My biggest hurdle has been navigating how to reconcile parts of me clinging to what I know (marketing, strategy, web design, blah blah) and what I’m craving (something radically new and different, exploring my identity as an artist and healer, making a difference on a human level)??!! Is this the conundrum we’re all going through?!
Being lost is a great thing. Sure, it doesn’t feel great at times, but the very fact of being lost means detaching from old paradigms, and opening yourself completely to the vast unknown. Navigating the void has made me the most receptive and sensitive than ever (and in the grand scheme of the universe, just because I feel lost doesn’t mean I’m actually lost).
Healing starts by decentering conventional ideas of success attached to the career.
I’d like to make the argument that healing begins with decentering men and the male gaze, whether you identify as a man, woman, or non-binary. Patriarchy and capitalism stand hand-in-hand. For those of us on a healing journey, makes complete sense to decenter the Traditional Career Path and the illusion of prestige, status, and power that corporate ladders lend us. All of those things are external sources of validation. Nothing external can heal us - only our own choice to provide exactly what we desire at our core: love.
Career labels as indicators of success can only be redeemed within structures of hierarchy and control - because no human is inherently more powerful or prestigious outside these falsely defined parameters. In other words, Chuck-e-Cheese tokens only work inside Chuck-e-Cheese. Why pretend job titles are any different?
You are whole by nature. Your career is not your identity. A detachment from career-based validation is not a moral failing.
For years, I’ve operated under the deep seated belief that career is an aspect of identity that needs to be found. There is no should. I am whole by nature and will always be whole. By that definition, there is no way to be truly lost.
My main problem was that I’d been prescribing to a false narrative to counteract the discomfort of losing old projections of the future. Letting go of my idea of my future feels scary and bad, because it’s impossible to see past the promises of a linear career. But if you think for a second, that makes total sense. Of course you can’t see what’s possible in the void from your current perspective… that’s by design. Linear careers lock you in with golden handcuffs, and make it as difficult as possible to break free from their paradigm. Great for corporations, horrible for humans seeking emotional fulfillment from their lives.
Ask yourself these questions, and be honest:
Am I really feeling lost, or did I just voluntarily wipe my slate and get spooked by the void? The same void that brings blessings and new energies my way?
Surrender also includes letting go of old self-concepts. What aspects of my self-concept have I been holding onto for the sake of safety? Especially in the context of work and career?
You can’t yell at a flower to make it bloom faster.
Whatever you’re going through is completely valid and part of the unfolding. Let the downloads come day by day, and stay receptive to you. What do you want? What sparks joy in this very moment, no matter how big or small? If you have an urge, let it play out instead of boxing it in. Even if it’s something seemingly random, like an urge to go to a cafe, spend hours crafting, or calling up a friend.
Sometimes, magic needs an accumulation of small choices to make itself known, and most of the time you won’t be able to understand the bigger picture until years later anyway. Your only job is to keep going, and stay focused on expressing the highest and most joyful expression of self!